Marshal William T. O’Neil: Are you Dr. Lazarus?
Lazarus: Yes. Take two aspirin and call me in the morning. That’s a doctor joke.

Marshal William T. O’Neil: I’d like a report of all the incidents in the last six months. I’d like it soon, or I might just kick your nasty ass all over this room. That’s a marshal joke.

Rudd: *You’re* supposed to protect *us*! You’re the police. It’s your *job*! Where are your men?
Marshal William T. O’Neil: My men? My men are shit.

Marshal William T. O’Neil: How deep are you in?
Security Sergeant Montone: Not too deep… I’m paid to look the other way.
Marshal William T. O’Neil: In other words you don’t do anything bad, you just don’t do anything good, do you?

Lazarus: Your wife is one stupid lady. You wanna go and get drunk?
Marshal William T. O’Neil: Yes…
Lazarus: At least you have SOME sense left.

Station Manager Sheppard: If you’re looking for money, you’re smarter than you look. If you’re not, you’re a lot dumber.
Marshal William T. O’Neil: Then I’m probably a lot dumber.

Marshal William T. O’Neil: Hey, Sheppard. Guess what I just found in a meat locker.
Station Manager Sheppard: Y’know, I have a feeling that you’ll tell me even if I don’t guess.
Marshal William T. O’Neil: 250 pounds of hamburger named Yario that works for you. I also found your shipment of PDE. So, I threw the hamburger in the jail, and the PDE in the toilet. Or was it the other way around? I can’t remember now.

Station Manager Sheppard: Did you really destroy the ENTIRE shipment?
Marshal William T. O’Neil: Yes.
Station Manager Sheppard: You DO have a flair for the dramatic.

Dr. Marian Lazarus: 28 in the last six months.
Marshal William T. O’Neil: I wonder how many in the six months before that…
Dr. Marian Lazarus: 24. I’ve got initiative.
Marshal William T. O’Neil: Well. Good for you.
Dr. Marian Lazarus: Wanna know how many in the six months before that? Two.
Marshal William T. O’Neil: Are you sure?
Dr. Marian Lazarus: I’m *unpleasant*, I’m not *stupid*! Of *course* I’m sure- I can *count*!

Lazarus: That’s pretty good. Playing by yourself and losing. I’d join you in this dumb game if I could play sitting down. Yes, I’m well, thank you. Been pretty busy. Seems there’s some kind of ‘flu’ going around. You have no idea the number of workers who are going to be sick this Sunday.
Marshal William T. O’Neil: What about you? Are you going to be sick this Sunday?
Lazarus: If you’re looking for sterling character you’re in the wrong place.

Dr. Marian Lazarus: You know if you’re the guy you’re supposed to be, you wouldn’t stick around. That’s why they sent you here.
Marshal William T. O’Neil: Maybe they made a mistake
Dr. Marian Lazarus: I was afraid you’d say something like that. Do you really think you’re making a difference?
Marshal William T. O’Neil: [silent]
Dr. Marian Lazarus: Then why for God’s sake?
Marshal William T. O’Neil: …because… maybe they are right. They sent me here to this pile of shit because they think I belong here. I want to find out if… well if they’re right. There’s a whole machine that works because everybody does what they are supposed to. And I found out… I was supposed to be something I didn’t like. That’s what’s in the program. That’s my rotten little part in the rotten machine. I don’t like it. So I’m going to find out if they’re right.

Station Manager Sheppard: Let me tell you what you’re dealing with here. I run a franchise. The company hired me to dig as much ore out of this hellhole as possible. My hookers are clean, some of them are good looking. My booze isn’t watered. The workers are happy. When the workers are happy, they dig more ore. They get paid more bonus money. When they dig more ore, the company’s happy. When the company’s happy, I’m happy.
Marshal William T. O’Neil: Sounds wonderful.
Station Manager Sheppard: *Nothing* here is “wonderful”! It works… that’s *enough*.

[after firing a warning shot to a feisty guy]
Marshal William T. O’Neil: Think it over.

Marshal William T. O’Neil: Oh, *fuck* it!
[punches out Sheppard]

---

 

Please share other Connery quotes or any other thoughts/memories you have about the film in the comments below.  Thank you for your interest in Sean Connery and Outland.Post by Chad Elkins. Source: IMDB